1:00 a.m. Musings

Hello internet land.

I’m here at 1 a.m. on a Friday morning for two reasons. 1) I don’t work tomorrow and 2) I had a cappuccino around 8 p.m. (I knew it was a bad idea, but I couldn’t stop myself).

I’m not sure what I really logged in to say, except perhaps to ramble. This blog has been in the back of my mind lately. I miss writing.

When I started this blog, I was unemployed and looking for something to occupy myself and give me some direction. At first I thought it could be an everything blog, with an emphasis on politics and social justice. I was going to post recipes and book reviews and links and provide intellectual insight (riiiiight?) on the latest news of the day! Then I got a job, and another one after that, and this lovely little blog has fallen off my radar.

I know good blogs have topics and niches and give readers something they can’t really find anywhere else. I don’t have the time or capacity right now to devote myself solely to that mission. So, I’ve decided this will just be my place. This will be where I go when I need to use words as therapy. This is where I will go to put thoughts on paper (or uh…webpage).

In early high school (before Facebook, people) I had this beloved Xanga blog. Most of my homies in the 10th grade did as well. It’s how we kept up with each other. You know. I loved writing in this blog, and posted almost daily. It was a great outlet for creativity, and of course, I didn’t really understand at the time that what’s put on the internet lives there forever. I was always open and honest and said exactly what I was thinking and feeling. WAIT WUT HAS THIS CHANGED? Yeah, no.

The point is, not everyone thought my honesty and emotional baggage was all that interesting. (Shocking). In fact one post in particular about my frustrations with the high school dance team I was on and how I just wanted us all to be friends ended up getting me teased and bullied. (Just for the record, I am still a big fan of everyone being friends/getting along in most situations. It’s not hard to do. Unless you’re an asshole.)

Anyway, ever since then I’ve been pretty hesitant about being completely open and honest in such a public way. But I’ve come to two conclusions:

1) Who am I kidding? This is who I am.
2) I am good at this. I’m good at connecting with people through words. I would like to think I’m pretty relatable, and mildly entertaining. Sometimes I blog about my feelings, but I truly believe that when I do I help others realize they’re not alone. And that’s what this shit’s really about.

And so. In conclusion. I guess I wrote all of that to say…..I’m not holding back anymore.

“The way to hunt is for as long as you live against as long as there is such and such an animal; just as the way we paint is as long as there is you and colors and canvas, and to write as long as you can live and there is pencil and paper or ink or any machine to do it with, or anything you care to write about, and you feel a fool, and you are a fool, to do it any other way.”
~ Ernest Hemingway